Meeting with a Gatekeeper, Part I

For weeks, I have been anticipating this meeting. Sitting across me was one of the "gatekeepers" to a world I want to enter. A world I have been thinking of day and night, night and day. A world the very idea of which consumes my mind. I am so desperate for it sometimes that I could not think of anything else that would make my life complete.

He started off by telling me what he thought about me, from the time we have worked together. "Old gingers are spicy," goes an old Chinese saying, which means that a person with lots of life experiences is keen in his observations of his surrounding people and things. He then went on to evaluate how he thought I would fit into this exclusive world and how its members would think of me. I listened with undivided attention, trying to deconstruct every imagery he provided and find special meanings in every sentence. Here was a man who has not only been down this road I am heading, but has led many others on it. He is not only familiar with the map, he has personally drawn parts of it. His words, naturally, should be taken seriously.

However, as the conversation went on, I became increasingly frustrated. Although much of what he said about me was true, I realized that there is a part of me he did not, could not, and likely would never understand. Because of his professional expertise, he was more than knowledgeable of my physical restrictions. He has seen so many people with my condition that he could already see into my future and predict what I will be like in ten, twenty, thirty years. There was no use telling him (in fact, it would sound silly to him) that I believe in Jehovah Rophe, the God who made those who were born blind see, and those who were born crippled walk. In addition, although he saw that I was always looking for opportunities to contribute, I did not think that he understood what a necessity serving others is to me. I am not a "nice" person--far from it, if I am honest--nor do I serve to make myself feel good. It is simply a vital function, just like breathing, that results from a life transformed by Jesus Christ. He has taken hold of it in such a way that I cannot--unable, incapable--to live only for myself.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. Why am I anxious about a future that is held securely and planned perfectly by the very same God who made me into the person I am? This "gatekeeper" may not understand me completely, and he doesn't have to. The world and everything in it belongs to the One who never makes a mistake and who calculates everything outside of the constraints of time and space. I thank Him for this meeting because He has used it to show me something that I need to be constantly reminded of at this crossroad. I am who I am without a mistake, and He has already planned for me the places where I will shine for Him the brightest.

I have a Maker

He formed my heart

Before even time began

My life was in his hands
He knows my name

He knows my every thought

He sees each tear that falls

and He hears me when I call

- Tommy Walker