Luther on Discipleship

"Discipleship is not limited to what you can comprehend -- it must transcend all comprehension. Plunge into the deep waters beyond your own comprehension, and I (God) will help you to comprehend even as I do. Bewilderment is the true comprehension. Not to know where you are going is the true knowledge. My comprehension transcends yours. Thus Abraham went forth from his father and not knowing whither he went. He trusted himself to my knowledge, and cared not for his own, and thus he took the right road and came to his journey's end. Behold, that is the way of the cross. You cannot find it yourself, so you must let me lead you as though you were a blind man. Wherefore it is not you, no man, no living creature, but I myself, who instruct you by my word and Spirit in the way you should go. Not the work which you choose, not the suffering you devise, but the road which is clean contrary to all that you choose or contrive or desire -- that is the road you must take. To that I call you and in that you must be my disciple. If you do that, there is the acceptable time and there your master is come."

- Martin Luther

Meeting with a Gatekeeper, Part II

For days, the gatekeeper had wanted to follow up with me regarding our last conversation, but things always popped up at the last minute. We finally met yesterday. Per his request, I mapped out my visions on paper, along with existing skills and personal attributes that would make me a good candidate for his world. He stared at the diagrams and lists intently for a few minutes. "Good," he said, putting down the paper and picking up the coffee in front of him. "From what I know of you, this is an accurate reflection of who you are and who you can be."

We then went on to discuss the specifics of the life I would lead in ten years: What my typical day would be like, what kinds of things I would be doing, and what kinds of people I would interact with. The details were so vivid that I could hardly wrap my head around them. If this conversation were to take place a couple of years ago, I would have been overcome by excitement and wrapped myself in everything the gatekeeper was saying. My imagination would run so wild and so quickly that I might go home and pick out a wallpaper design for my future office. But I have changed. At the back of my mind I was a little more than uncomfortable with the idea of knowing the exact answer to "where will you be in ten years?"

The gatekeeper promised to pull a few strings, and for the first time in months, I was completely at ease with all possible outcomes. I was thankful for his enthusiasm and vote of confidence, but I also knew that God has the most perfect plan anyone can have for my life, and whatever He has decided, He will do.

He called me today, informing me that my access to his world is denied at the moment. There are some things (of which I am painfully aware) that must be taken care of first...and then, we'll see. A few tears of disappointment are shed at the corner outside of my office, but they quickly disappear, as they always do. There is only One who knows exactly where I need to go and when I need to be there. I leave everything up to Him and be the best of what I can be, wherever I am.

Reflections on a Wedding

I just came back from playing at a wedding. The groom is a friend of a friend. He first contacted me early last month, asking me to play at a restaurant during his proposal to his then-girlfriend. I couldn't do it at the time because of a schedule conflict. A few days later, he called again: the lady had said yes, and they were getting married.

The small wedding took place at a small church in downtown Brooklyn. There wasn't a historic and awe-inspiring chapel, adorned by lots of flowers and breathtaking sculptures. There weren't guests dressed in designer outfits, sporting all sorts of expensive jewelries. There was a young couple who love each other deeply, surrounded by people who love them and support the journey they were about to embark on together.

But the one thing that made the ceremony beautiful was the presence of God. Jesus Christ was invited, not as a special guest--as if He was welcomed today and not for the rest of the couple's living days--but as someone with utmost sovereignty. It was under God that the two individuals came together. It was by His power that they were going to become husband and wife. It was by His grace that they would love each other for the rest of their lives.

The pastor of the church, who is also the uncle of the bride, started the ceremony by reporting a grim statistical fact: 70% of the couples who got married today would not "make it" three years from now. All the warm fuzzy feelings would go down the drain of divorce, never to be restored again. "There will be times when you don't like each other very much, when you disagree--but you will never make 'falling out of love' as an excuse. You are to be witnesses to the world that marriage is much more, much stronger than emotional fluctuations."

In an age when carnal desires quickly become the definition of love, the most beautiful and powerful force known to men and women is cheapened by the day. This small, modest, but blessed wedding serves as another reminder of what marriage, as defined by God, is about. It also reminds this violinist again to never settle for anything less than what God has designed.

Meeting with a Gatekeeper, Part I

For weeks, I have been anticipating this meeting. Sitting across me was one of the "gatekeepers" to a world I want to enter. A world I have been thinking of day and night, night and day. A world the very idea of which consumes my mind. I am so desperate for it sometimes that I could not think of anything else that would make my life complete.

He started off by telling me what he thought about me, from the time we have worked together. "Old gingers are spicy," goes an old Chinese saying, which means that a person with lots of life experiences is keen in his observations of his surrounding people and things. He then went on to evaluate how he thought I would fit into this exclusive world and how its members would think of me. I listened with undivided attention, trying to deconstruct every imagery he provided and find special meanings in every sentence. Here was a man who has not only been down this road I am heading, but has led many others on it. He is not only familiar with the map, he has personally drawn parts of it. His words, naturally, should be taken seriously.

However, as the conversation went on, I became increasingly frustrated. Although much of what he said about me was true, I realized that there is a part of me he did not, could not, and likely would never understand. Because of his professional expertise, he was more than knowledgeable of my physical restrictions. He has seen so many people with my condition that he could already see into my future and predict what I will be like in ten, twenty, thirty years. There was no use telling him (in fact, it would sound silly to him) that I believe in Jehovah Rophe, the God who made those who were born blind see, and those who were born crippled walk. In addition, although he saw that I was always looking for opportunities to contribute, I did not think that he understood what a necessity serving others is to me. I am not a "nice" person--far from it, if I am honest--nor do I serve to make myself feel good. It is simply a vital function, just like breathing, that results from a life transformed by Jesus Christ. He has taken hold of it in such a way that I cannot--unable, incapable--to live only for myself.

Suddenly, it dawned on me. Why am I anxious about a future that is held securely and planned perfectly by the very same God who made me into the person I am? This "gatekeeper" may not understand me completely, and he doesn't have to. The world and everything in it belongs to the One who never makes a mistake and who calculates everything outside of the constraints of time and space. I thank Him for this meeting because He has used it to show me something that I need to be constantly reminded of at this crossroad. I am who I am without a mistake, and He has already planned for me the places where I will shine for Him the brightest.

I have a Maker

He formed my heart

Before even time began

My life was in his hands
He knows my name

He knows my every thought

He sees each tear that falls

and He hears me when I call

- Tommy Walker

love song to you

Let me be a love song to You
A song not of notes nor of words
May all that I do, everything within me
Be a sweet melody to You

Let me be a love song to You
A song of everlasting Grace
A life that is pure and holy
A life completely Yours